Copying Policy:

Art students may use the exhibits for educational copying. That is, they can sit in front of the picture and have a go at drawing it themselves. We do not mean that students may take the exhibits down from the walls and stick them in the Xerox. If other visitors gather behind the copyist, the copyist may under no circumstances pretend to be "ze original - 'ow you say? - arteest". Is this clear? Any of that, and you're out on your ear, Chester.

Borrowing Policy:

Please don't borrow the museum exhibits without permission. We have lost so much stuff that way.

Pet policy:

No pets are allowed in the building, other than guide-dogs for the blind. Mind you, if you can read this, then obviously you're not blind, so it's a moot point.

Refreshments:

No food or beverages are permitted inside the museum. Well, apart from in your stomach, obviously. Well, any part of the digestive tract really - apart from your mouth, even if that technically counts as part of the digestive tract. We don't want you spitting a mouthful of chewed ham-sandwich on the exhibits after all.

You know what? We're going to go further than just the mouth; we're going to say it has to be in the stomach or lower. We've seen too many people who could eject food from their esophagus, or whatever the bit between your gob and your gut is called. And don't get funny about the term "lower". Obviously we mean "lower" as in "would be lower in a person standing in a normal upright position". Any funny business about standing on your head, and you're out the damn' door. Do we make ourselves clear? Or do we have to take a hammer and chisel?

Admissions Policy:

All comers are welcome, with the following exceptions:

• Persons who don't look where they're going in crowded railroad terminals, forcing others to have to duck out of their way. Like what they are saying to their companion is so important that they couldn't possibly break off for a moment to do something as mundane as pay attention to what they're doing. So instead everybody else has to clear a path for them
• Persons who slap their knees when laughing
• Persons wearing military fatigues who are not members of the armed services
• Persons wearing those stupid little back-packs that wouldn't hold more than a Mars Bar and a Kleenex

Because it's irritating, that's why. And it's our museum.

Photography:

You do not need special permission to take phographs of the exhibits if you are not using either a tripod or flash gun. Good luck though; it's pretty dark inside.

Permission to use a tripod and/or flash gun can be obtained by completing and returning form PP1, available at the curator's office. There is a fee invoved, payable in cash. Again, we would remind you, it's our museum.