We at the Sheboygan Art Museum have long realized that our duties extend beyond simply educating our audience by just showing them some nice pictures. No — we need to patronize the artists themselves, because, let's face it, without somebody churning out art, we're all out of a job.

So we've set up this deal with the NEA that we'll show off the work of a few local artists, and in return, they'll let us stay open for a while. Apparently we have to let the "artists" speak for themselves, or else they'll yank our grant — so we can't censor any of their language if we want to eat lunch today.

And have you ever heard any of them talk? My stars - if you put a pair of ripped jeans on some people, you'd swear they think they were Salvador bleeding Dali, the airs they put on.

So there's probably something that someone will find offensive, or stupid, or both on these pages — let these nutballs run on for half an hour, and you'll have half the county up in arms about something or other. But, as they say in the opera world: "Paga l'affitto".

So, it is with great "pride" that we present what we hope will become an ever growing list of artists local to the Sheboygan region:

• Peter Yerkov
• Hazel Stilton Hotsnatch
• Jerry Blechreder
• Jerry Blechreder - II. The music
• Anton Wigglesworth